By Mike Abell
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. While many associate abuse with physical violence, there is more than one type of abuse that can occur in a relationship.
One student at the college, whose name has been changed to Jane for her security, was in a verbally abusive relationship about two years ago. Their romantic relationship started after they had formed a friendship.
“Me and the guy that I was dating at the time had been best friends for over a year. We were really good friends and we worked together,” said Jane. “In the beginning it was great – he treated me like I was a princess and we were friends for so long. But I had never really seen him in a relationship type way.”
Things were going well until he said something hurtful to her. They had been dating for about three months at the time. “We were actually having a discussion about religion until he totally went off and told me I was stupid and that I was dumb for believing what I believe,” she said. “He just went off and went on about how dumb I was. It really upset me.”
After that incident, their relationship became gradually worse over time. His acomments became more vulgar. It got to the point where her friends were all asking her why she was staying with him and she couldn’t give them a good answer.
“I wouldn’t even say that I loved him because I hear a lot of women say that they were scared. It was really none of that for me,” she said. “I just didn’t want to lose the relationship we had. I didn’t want to lose the friendship we had too.”
Jane said that whether the abuse is verbal or physical, the mental damage that can be done is the worst part of being in an abusive relationship. She still feels the repercussions to this day.
“No matter who you go out with or who you date, even if the things that your ex said to you weren’t true, you still have that in the back of your head,” she said.
Jane eventually worked up the courage to break it off. It got to a point where the relationship was “moving into physical abuse.”
Although he never actually hit her, he would hit objects around them. Davis started to fear that one day those objects would be herself.
She recalled the day they broke up. “We broke out into an argument the day we broke up,” she said. “He got really heated and started punching things around me. Like he hit the wall that was behind my head.”
After that incident, she called it off. They dated for a year. Despite what she endured, Jane feels like she is a stronger person. She had friends and family to help her with the situation. However, for those in a similar situation without a support network, there are resources here on campus.
Paul Kyle, dean of student services and success, said that the college’s counselors are always available. The college has also partnered with a number organizations such as the Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault (M.O.C.S.A.) and Safe Home.
“People are often scared or they blame themselves,” said Kyle. “When they get it out [in the open], they realize that it wasn’t their fault and they realize that there are sources out there who can keep it confidential or not.”
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, call (913) 262-2868 or visit www.safehome-ks.org.
Contact Mike Abell, editor-in-chief, mabell.jccc.edu